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Lots of bands come close to breaking up throughout their histories. Some are able to squash the drama or issues that could lead to a split and move on. Some aren't. If you're in a band and find yourself having one of the following problems, those are indicators that a breakup might be imminent. But guess what? For every problem, I'm offering a possible solution and steps to take to fix it and stave off a split.
1. Everyone is fighting… all the time
Intra-band fighting is normal. But fighting all the time, nearly coming to blows, having a dust up or argument in front of fans, or avoiding one another is bad. Like really bad. It leads to a breakdown in communication.
Quick fix: productively talk it out
Have a manager-moderated meeting, if applicable, where everyone airs their individual grievances. Get things off your chest, find solutions to things that go beyond getting on one another's nerves, and move forward with knowledge and information of what the problems were. Be sure to have a productive discussion, since confrontation is always hard for all involved and you don't want to put anyone on the defensive. Be honest, be open, and be ready to fix things to take steps forward.
2. No one is communicating
If no one is communicating via text, live conversation, email, or through a manager, snowflake-sized problems can quickly become an avalanche.
Quick fix: break the silence sooner rather than later
Don't let things continue to snowball. Get in a room and talk it out. Get things out in the open and don't hold back. But don't insult anyone, causing tempers to flare. Choose words and points carefully, so that problems can be tackled effectively. If you insult someone, they'll shut down and won't listen, making it a complete waste of time.
3. You aren't on the same wavelength, musically speaking
If you aren't writing any music that sounds like it's for the same band or you're not liking one another's contributions, that's a serious problem. There has to be cohesion. You have to be creating together. While sonic tension between band members can lead to the best musical result, if you're not even able to write or craft sounds together, that's not a creative exchange. Nor is it effective.
Quick fix: find out how deep the disconnect is
Find the real root of the problem. Are your musical paths diverging? Are you or your members going in different sonic directions? Are you or they not creatively fulfilled? If so, you might want to find a way to get on the same route again. Or indulge your creative impulses outside of the band and on the side without disruption or distraction related to your main gig. If that's not possible, you have deeper problems and you may not be able to continue to make music together. But you have to consider where the disconnect is happening before you make any drastic decisions.
4. Someone is constantly flaking
If a member is bailing on critical band efforts, like practice, writing sessions, meetings, or gigs, you can't do your business effectively or efficiently.
Quick fix: have a one-on-one
Sit that member down, find out where his or her head is, and get it back in the game. You may need to offer an ultimatum here – like get your shit together or move on – but do it gingerly, since you don't want him or her to bail permanently if that's not necessary and he or she wasn't already planning to quit. You also have to be sensitive to other issues this member may be facing. So tread lightly.
5. You aren't vibing on stage
When things are bad and you're not vibing or do stupid things like argue on stage, in front of fans, ultimately turning in subpar shows, that's a sign that things are going awfully awry.
Quick fix: schedule more rehearsals
Have a band meeting to discuss what's going on. Then schedule more rehearsals (but don't just go through the motions – read these tips to make sure your band practices are actually productive). Make those sessions mandatory and sacrifice whatever you need to in order to polish up the gigs. Remember that the gigs are what fuels and feeds your band. You know what? Metallica still practices... and they're Metallica.
If you start to feel a fracture in your band, remember that by addressing it head on, you can prevent the fracture from becoming a break. It's not unfixable! Just be sure to properly communicate so that a molehill doesn't become a mountain you can't climb.
Learn more about being the best bandmate you can be:
- 5 Things You Should Never Say to Your Bandmates
- 14 Rules for Being a Good Bandmate
- 6 Ways to Bond With Your Bandmates Outside of Rehearsal
- How to Create a Band Agreement (And Why You Need One ASAP)
Amy Sciarretto has 20 years of print and online bylines, from Kerrang to Spin.com to Revolver to Bustle, covering music, beauty, and fashion. After 12 years doing radio and publicity at Roadrunner Records, she now fronts Atom Splitter PR, her own boutique PR firm, which has over 30 clients. She also is active in animal charity and rescue.
