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Go as far back into history as you want, and check your hit lists. At least half of all songs in popular music are about love and relationships. And more than half of those are about breaking up. One of the most difficult things to write a good song about is a happy, long-term relationship. But breakups and the ensuing anger and angst seem to generate song ideas by the truck full. Writing about your ex might give you access to a rich vein of beats and melodies, but there are some important things to consider.
Can you be sued for the song you’ve written?
A song can be like a memoir. You may be writing autobiographically, but you’re also telling a bit of someone else’s story. What if your ex reads your lyrics and takes offense?
Songwriters, just like authors and journalists, are protected by the first amendment. But keep in mind that most publishing contracts stipulate that the writer will not defame anyone or invade his or her privacy. Furthermore, these contracts also generally protect the publishing company from liability if you break the rules. If someone objects to a characterization in one of your songs, they could pursue legal action against you. That’s scary, upsetting, and potentially very expensive, even if it’s unsuccessful. This process is best avoided.
You can avoid liability (and the wrath of former partners and their friends and family) using the device of composite characters. In other words, you can combine experiences and events so that the antagonist or former partner in your song is really a mix of different people. Good songwriting thrives on details, so mentioning very specific events, locations, and conversations will add immediacy to your music. But some of those details can be tweaked. The same goes for names. Naming a song after a person, or mentioning someone by name, can also make a song memorable and powerful. But that name doesn’t have to be the person’s real one. You can always choose another name that sounds musical and has the right number of syllables to fit your rhythm.
How does your current partner feel about it?
If you’re seeing someone romantically right now, your new partner may not be thrilled that you’re writing breakup songs about an ex. Writers need to write, and we need to write about what moves us. But writing about exes means you’re thinking of them, and your new partner will know it… even if you mix up the names and details.
Fortunately, there’s nothing more romantic than writing a song for your current partner, whether it’s sentimental, humorous, sexy, or all three. That’s a good way to inoculate yourself against these sorts of complaints and build your relationship, too. And in this case, naming names makes sense! But if you’re writing a two-disc concept album about your last breakup, expect your significant other to be less than pleased.
Could it be time to move on?
Music is therapeutic, but there’s a fine line between creativity and actual therapy. Maybe your ex dumped you on your birthday while you had a ring in your pocket, and that’s bad. But reliving it and focusing on it will eventually become unproductive. Sometimes you have to formally decide to move on. At that point, it’s time to write about something else. The five stages of grief are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Maybe you’ve written a song about each stage. At that point, consider this topic exhausted. There’s a world of other topics out there to write about. In fact, here’s a list. Good luck!
Jesse Sterling Harrison is an author, recording artist, and part-time farmer. He lives in Massachusetts with his wife, three daughters, and a herd of ducks.
